My Milkshake/PSA

Man, you guys hit this blog like it’s a twitter account sometimes waiting for my new post of the day. Hold on, baby birds, I’ll feed you.

First off, I would like to start my day with a little PSA for all you health conscience people.

1)      Do not EVER buy this kind of ice cream:

It is horrible!!!  It is like trying to eat chocolate frozen chewing gum.

2)      If you do happen to buy that kind of ice cream,  DO NOT  try it, decide you don’t like it, leave it sitting in your freezer for 4 years and one night decide you are really desperate for some ice cream, go pull it out and decide to eat it 3 years after the expiration date.

PLEASE, take my word on this one. That was single handedly the worst 12 hours of my life, and my stomach is still rumbling (not out of hunger) today. I had NO idea the human digestive system could hold that much nasty disgustingness that it is desperate to evacuate out of your body. I could go A LOT more into detail about the damage I have sustained and how horrible it was, but I will drop it there and let you use your imagination. It was BAD!!

Now, on to the better reading part of the blog.

I have often thought through my life that I should really write a book. I’m sure I am not alone in this kind of thinking. I’m sure a lot of people think they could write a pretty good book if they had the time, but I am not most people. I honestly think I could if I could take a good amount of time off work to sit down and do it. I’m sure my book would get torn to shreds in most literary classes of most colleges and some better than average high schools, but I bet a lot of people would be able to relate and find humor in something that came out of my very unique mind.

I know, I am being so humble at the moment. Mega-Babe loves it when I do this, but I honestly think I could pull this off.

The question is though, what kind of book would I write? What would it be titled? Would it be fiction and based loosely on me and my own life? Or would it be non-fiction and I just tell my not too abnormal of a life in a manner that people could relate too and maybe even be inspired by. I mean, if a 5’4” guy who’s parents thought he was a midget as a little boy who overcame his height and all odds, married the prettiest girl in the world, had the most gorgeous kids in the world, and managed to become not terribly successful financially but still lives in a nice house with lots of nice things doesn’t inspire you, what could? I guess I should have said “The questions are….” I wouldn’t want my literary correct wife or my English teacher mother to be disappointed in the colossal literary mistake I made at the beginning of this paragraph.

I figure a book written by me could be titled something like, “What the Heck Are You Laughing At?” or “Your Average Moron” or “Lazy and Skinny” or “Memoires of a 5’4” Guy Who is Hairy Like a Chimp” or “I Crack Myself Up” or as some people at work like to call me, “Odd Little Man.”

What about you? What kind of book would you write? What would it be called? Or, to stay on my favorite topic, me, what would a book about me or loosely based on me be called? Whichever you prefer.

I know, my book could be called “My Milkshake Brings All the Girls to the Yard.” Sorry, I couldn’t resist. How could a song that is as ridiculous as that not be the title of a book about me?